Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Are we the only people still just carving out jack-o-lanterns for Halloween?

My kids feel so deprived that we have no skeletons on the doors, no witches slammed into the trees, no tombstones, no giant spiderwebbs, no fog machine, and no severed limbs and skulls skattered on the lawn.

When did this all happen?

Remember when Halloween came and you didn't have a costume until the day of? And you had to make up your own costume? There was no Lillian Vernon $49.50 Mutant Ninja whatever...no, you were a gypsy! A ghost! Or, my personal favorite, a "bum". You took your pillow case off your bed and set off with your friends in a frenzy to collect candy.

And people used to give out real candy, too. Full size bars. None of this "fun" size. Where's the "fun" in one bite of a Snickers, I ask you? I guess everyone's economizing since they've spent all their cash on the same decorations that all the other neighbors have. The kids don't seem to notice the sameness of the "spooky" decor. They just know we're the only freaks in the neighborhood without it.

Counter Culture

Has anyone else noticed the trend amongst affluent, suburban homeowners of employing a woman whose main task seems to be wiping the counters? Granted, they are enormous marble or granite counter tops in most instances, but have you noticed she seems to do little else?

First of all, what's there to do? The house is already immaculate. There's another cleaning person. The kids are in school all day, so we know she's not the nanny (although I suspect, in some cases, she used to be). She doesn't drive and cooking certainly is NOT within her job description.

So, what does she do?

I'm telling you, she wipes the counters morning, noon and night, day in, day out.

I gotta get me one of those ladies. Come to think of it, I gotta get me a counter.

Still the Mother

My day of liberation has, at long last, arrived: both children are in school full day!

Yipee! Ya-hoo! I tell you, I could not have anticipated the powerful sensation of the euphoric adrenaline that was pumping through my veins on that bright, clear, October morning. I mean, are there books written about this day in a woman's life? Have scientists studied the impact of this seismic event on women's long term health? It's monumental. I'm mental. Yip-ee!

I took a shower (uninterrupted) for as long as I wanted to. I sped into the city for brunch with friends. I sat on a deck chair in the back yard making endless (uninterrupted) phone calls, screaming at my friends,"I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!"

Of course, after a couple of days of this phantasmagorical life, the inevitable call from school came: "Your son's sick. Come pick him up immediately."

Shit. I'm still the mother.

I am still the one: waking up at 2AM realizing that the tooth fairy forgot to come, making the lunches, writing the notes to teachers, organizing playdates, helping with homework, gathering hundreds of pinecones for craft projects, attending PTA meetings, making doctors and dentists appointments, ordering snow suits, making Halloween costumes, undoing the 15 rows my daughter inadvertantly added to her knitting project, calling the guys about the leaking roof, checking the groundhog trap (which he has outgrown, by the way), making sure the bulbs get in before the frost, scrambling for milk money, brushing hair, brushing teeth, digging lost library books out from under beds...and I'm still the only one who answers to those forlorn cries of, "Mummmm-aaaaaaaaa!"

Yes, my time is less compressed, but it's still not really "my" time.

My husband thinks I should worry less. Try to enjoy myself. Let things just "take care of themselves".

I'm glad he enjoys living in a fantasy world as much as I do.